There was a new inmate in pregnancy class today...As I sat with her and watched and listened to her talk about all these things she has done, and how confused and hurt she is, frustration and fear all over her face, her pain and sorrows were so evident and genuine I empathized with her and I wish I had all the right answers and comforting things to say. I did my best to calm her down and reassure her we were there for her. She said when she had her ultrasound recently her baby was doing well. “He looked fine and normal,” she said. I told her that she should see the positive in that and know that she may not have done as much damage as she thinks, and this little baby loves her and needs her.
That seemed to help her, and she thanked me for listening to her. I know she is in this place for a reason, and I keep that in mind as I listen (which helps to keep my emotions in check), but I am also looking at this woman who is suffering and has some real issues going on in her life that seem so completely overwhelming - so much that after changing her mind about aborting her baby and suicide, she decided she would rather be in jail than deal with things. That is a very real, seriously distressed woman.
I can't imagine what someone has been through that this was the only choice they felt would help them. I am glad that this program exists, and that we are able to come in and listen to the women who just want to be heard for a few minutes and get an understanding of what may be happening to their bodies - even if they have been pregnant before. Having the opportunity to support them through their birth experience and give these women the encouragement and kindness women need during labor and delivery is amazing, and they are so grateful. I am so grateful.